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collective
experience story#: 4 author: carol occupation: mother and wife residence: N/A year of story: 2001 e-mail: N/A |
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When my son Keith died on March 29, 1999. My world stopped, and from that day forward, time would now be "before Keith died" and "after Keith died". How does one really understand the pain of losing a child? You as a parent are supposed to be able to protect your child and keep him from harms way, but my child died. The journey I have been on has been a long one. The pain does not stop it becomes bearable but it never stops. When you love so much, then why doesn't it makes sense, that the pain of loss is so intense. This is the hardest work I have ever done. I have never been a bereaved parent before so how did I know how to grieve? I survived those early days, I am not really sure how? But I am not over "it", like some of my family and friends think I should be. I know now, who to count on, and the ones that can't be there for me. One important asset was my husband, Dick. My pain was bearable because he held my hand. I am now a new person since Keith died and the old me will never return. I now look at the world differently. Keith will always be 29. He will never get married and have children and have that log cabin in the woods. He has stopped in time, he will always be my fun loving, fly fishing Keith. I have always attending the Catholic Church and I have called myself a Catholic. Since Keith's death, I still attend the Catholic Church, but my faith now has been enriched by my quiet reflection and meditation on God. Yes, I know who God is, and I know how he has put his arms around me and held me tight. I always felt that my role as Mom was the most important role in my life. I was blessed with three beautiful children, Keith, Cindy and Carrie. Cindy and Carrie are daughters that any Mom would be proud of. Therefore, I will continue with my role as Mom, keeping Keith alive in my heart and looking at my two beautiful daughters and cherishing them. Yes, I am a "New" person. Would I want to be that "Old" me again? Absolutely! I would have done anything to have Keith alive. But thank you God for letting Keith be my son for almost 30 years. The pain of grief is the price we pay for love. |
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loss grief coping death change love
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