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collective
experience story#: 3 author: anonymous1 occupation: student residence: chicago year of story: 1996 e-mail: [email protected] |
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I
sat very still and looked at him hard. I wondered if I could make him attracted
to me, not simply by looking at him in a certain way, but by transmitting
my sexual energy straight into him using my eyes. I didn¹t know if he was
excited by my transmissions or if he just thought that I was paying much
closer attention to him than other students in class. Regardless of whether
my transmissions worked on him, they definitely worked on me. Every class
as I sat there working my sexual energy into him, I got hornier and hornier
myself. The last day of class he asked everyone to go out for drinks, but no one took him up on his offer. I was trying hard to stay behind in the classroom as he left. As much as I wanted his attention, I didn¹t want to ride the elevator down with him or actually talk to him. Later that night he gave me his office number and we met a week later for lunch. While we were eating he confessed that he had a fiance and he was embarrassed to admit that this is why he didn¹t give me his home number. I confessed that I had a boyfriend, but saw no harm in just having lunch. We met again a few days later, after his fiance left on a month long bike tour. That night on his porch he kissed the back of my neck. My stomach knotted up and I began to cry just a little. I asked him to please take me home. Later, he accepted a position at UCLA. He¹d congenitally move to Los Angleles with his fiance in six weeks. I decided that if my boyfriend wasn¹t keeping my attention, he probably wasn¹t worth the effort. I broke up with my him and decided to have an affair with my professor. Sex with my professor was too rough. He was arrogant but he was exotic, and he absolutely adored me. I wanted to be as fantastic as he said I was. When he left at the end of the summer, I was relieved. I moved in with my boyfriend a week after he left. My professor stayed in the back of my mind for the next five years. Once a year I would get sick and sweaty and then call him to see if he was still enamored of me. To my relief, he always was. Sometimes he would come into town for work and try to see me, and I always refused. Last year, staring at a tiny toy duck on the floor, I listened as he tried to convince me to meet him. Faltering, I said no. He said that I was just like his fiance: I saw the world in black and white. He said "the world is all gray areas and nothing is clearly defined. The only thing to go on is your gut and do what you feel." The duck on the floor was tiny, and it had no head. I didn¹t know where it came from. I figured that my dog probably chewed its head off, but I couldn¹t figure out why she didn¹t eat the whole duck. Listening to my professor, I wasn¹t convinced into his gray world. But I did like the idea that black and white did not exist. |
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love sex choices disillusionment betrayal
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