Dear u,

I've never been good at confrontations or at being direct in situations like these. Or in situations dealing with the heart. You know that i have been through hell and back and here i sit still tormented by the past. And i havent been able to move forward in all this time.

When we hooked up a couple of months ago, it was a breath of fresh air. You were right: everything fell into place.

But i have to remain true to my heart, no matter how twisted it is. We have moved way too fast. Considering how your previous relationship ended one week before our first date, and that within our first two weeks you slept over three times, and we made some type of contact every day, i've come to the conclusion that we moved way too fast for either one of us.

I don't think that you are over your ex-boyfriend. My experiences with women and dating and what i know about human nature has convinced me of that. And what i know about myself and my heart also has convinced me that the time is not right for us. You tell me that he showed up to your house late that night and that you spent four hours just talking. Sure, its a possibility. But was it likely? In my mind, no its not likely. That alone has made my issues and my baggage emerge in such a way that the association is too much to bear. Your constant need for my attention and insinuations leads me to believe that I am merely an emotional stand-in for the relationship that ended for you, hurting you.

You are such a sweet, loving girl. But at this stage of my life, I need a woman, someone who i can trust, someone with better judgment, someone more mature, someone who is more in tune with my achievements, someone who i dont think i will find anytime soon. What i am saying is that i need to continue to be alone. I am still working out the trauma that i experienced and i've realized that i can't handle what you seem to want. And you're not even verbalizing it.

I'm sorry, honey, if my words hurt you. You deserve no such injury. But the time is now before more time passes and feelings get deeper. I won't leave you with stupid cliches of finding someone new or your age or any such insulting nonsense. I wish you success and love and the peace & completion that i know you yearn for. As for me, i need to continue on my road towards healing.

Love, me

[submitted 05/16/03]