Oh my love, where do I begin?

How can I even begin to tell you how I felt, what went wrong, and how I feel now. Two years have passed since the night my heart found love, since that cold December night, when my life was changed forever. If ever I loved anyone there is no question in my mind who it could have been. But I know it didn't end that way.

When we first met I was as pure as they came, and you, you were what every father dreads to see. I was weary of anything you could have said or done. But there was something about you, something that made me feel like I had never felt before. Every time I thought of you I could feel the butterflies fluttering inside me. When I looked at you, nothing could turn my eyes away. When I touched you, I felt as though we were the only two in existence. Nobody else was seen or heard...No one else mattered. And even now with two years gone, I still fell as I did those cold winter nights.

And what have I to remember you by? Neither a letter nor a picture. Nothing but memories kept within my heart. Memories locked away for only you to open. Waiting -Longing - Hoping, that one day you will return and unlock our sacred moments, so we can share them once again. But as I wait, I watch the sun set into the horizon, and my heart sinks with it. And as I feel the touch of the moonlit night, I hope that, tomorrow with the rising of the sun, I am one day closer to being with you again.

It must sound as though our lives were perfect, that our love was all we needed to keep us together. But it wasn't. Somewhere something happened. Something ripped us apart never to be together again. Something that I wouldn't admit until now. It was me and I was wrong. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought it was all for the best. But if it were really what we needed I wouldn't feel the way I feel now. I was selfish, stubborn, and narrow minded. I was even more than that. I should never have hurt my one true love, but I did and I will never forgive myself for that.

Still, I am hoping that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me and maybe someday we will continue with the love we once shared. I live day to day thinking of only you. I picture in my mind everything about you, as if you were really here beside me. The way you looked into my eyes, the way your lips puckered before you kissed me, the way your hand felt in mine. Oh how I miss it. Just to catch a glimpse of you I would love to do.

Sometimes I can hear your voice telling me you will never leave me. But that's all gone now. I cry myself to sleep wishing I still had you. Being in your arms again is something that I have dreamt of for so long. Oh love, please come back to me. Come and cure the pain I am feeling. Bring light to the darkness of my world. But is it too much to ask? A broken heart can sometimes not be healed and in the place where love once lived resentment and hate can overtake.

I understand the mistakes I have made and I am prepared to confront the consequences, so if my message ever reaches you, even if your heart can never mend, I would like you to remember that I love you, and I will never be the same without you. You've touched my soul as no one ever will and my heart will always relive the moments that we've shared.

Love You Always

[submitted 07/26/02]