I can not do this anymore. You- you are not even there for me when I need you. Not only can I never talk to you, you probably won't read this.

I am a good person, I try to be good, I have never betrayed you, I have given you all I have to give. But you are too self absorbed in your own fucking grand life to be there for me.

Do you even care about me? You think that we can see each other once a month, and then everything is all right? Its not, I need you, sorry if that fucking stresses you out but I don't give a shit.

Grow up; you know what stresses me out? The fact that I have spent the last four years of my life with you, and only you, and you think that that means nothing. And the fact that the thought of moving in together is incredibly random and wrong to you, and the fact that skiing is more important than me. That stresses me out!

The fact that skiing is more important than the time and emotion and money and love that I have given you, stresses the fuck out of me. The fact that you hooked up with some random stranger stresses me out, and the fact that you dumped me, and when you go to parties I get stressed. The fact that you would rather be around some fucking loser who left you, than be around me. Someday I will leave you and you will be all alone, you will know how it feels.

Maybe then you will be dumb enough to take me back, and then I will do what you have been doing to me. I wont call you, and I will go party, and I will flirt with other guys, and I will tell you that you loving me stresses me out, and that I would rather be 200 miles away then be with you, and that you talking about getting married to you or living with you makes me mad, and Ill avoid thinking about you or seeing you at all cost. And when I do talk to you I will ignore you and make you feel like you mean nothing to me. And when you write to me how much you love me, pouring your heart and soul into every word, all I will say to you about it is that it was well written.

Then you will know how I feel.

[submitted 11/10/03]