Well baby ,

I guess this is the end of the road- God why does it hurt so damned much?

For 10 years I've tried to conform, to fit your mold, to meet all your expectations, only to find, there's even MORE!!! You are never satisfied with me. You have toyed and played with my head , heart, my soul, my body .But never good enough.

I have literally supported you _____ and emotionally as well. When you were down on your luck, down on yourself and just plain ol' down , who was there for you? Propping you up, telling you it'll get better...? ME.

I took your lies, deceit, your treating me like I was nothing but a rug to wipe your feet on , the whole time hurting inside but believing and having faith in you. I LOVED YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.

I didn't always agree with you or your ways but I always had your back. And here we are now, I 'm nearly homeless. lost my job , relapsed after 9 yrs, no self-esteem whatsoever , and where are you? You are playing mind games with me!

I tried to express I was feeling sucidal (which in 42yrs Ive never felt so despaired) , you called me weak! That nearly pushed me over the edge.

Well my dear I am a strong woman, always have been , and even tho I've had this minor set-back (there's a reason for everything- there's a lesson I need to learn here obviously)

I will prevail without you and your bs. It's your loss not mine- hell it'll be my gain. I am not vindictive lucky for you , but I do pity the next unsuspecting soul who gets tangled in your web. Someone needs to inform her , she'll never be a priority unless theres a profit of some kind for you. You'll charm her and be very charismatic like you were with me , I just hope she wisens up quickly!

I've damned near lost my adult childrens respect and love due to you , but hey as I said I will come out on top when all is said and done being the better person for it.

And this is how twisted you've got my heart and mind (actually I enabled you to do so) I still love you, always will . But never will I come to your aide or rescue again because I then am placed in dire-straits!

Good bye my love - Me

[submitted 05/12/03]