I wonder if you have any idea how much our hugs mean to me. I wonder if you feel this same shimmering hot attraction because of the way you press me so close, so tight and so warmly to your chest. Is this how you hug everybody else or is there _something_ different in it just for _me_?

I wish I could tell you how beautiful I find you. I wish we could do more, much much more than just hug every time we greet each other about once every month or two. It feels exhibitionistic to envelope you in my arms and hold you tight, so tight, while you do the same to me before all these people! And I hate to end the embrace, I hate it...I hate to put a stop to this intense erotic rush but it must be stopped in the interests of propriety, to be socially acceptable and not have tongues wagging about us.

I'm so curious, so curious...do I mean _anything_ to you? Am I just another buddy you greet and move on to before you settle into your couch and stare quietly at the floor? You are at the pinnacle of everything that is erotic to me. Yet at the end of the day, I would settle for nothing more than having you deeply value my friendship...maybe that is all that I want....to want more would be unreasonable...and this whole thing that I have for you is bloody unreasonable enough as it is! What I feel for you is so damned inconvenient! I can condense my erotic need for you into simply wanting you to want my friendship. And therin lies the rub...

Do you even care? I can't torture myself any more with these speculations...I'll just put this thing on hold for now and feel the flames surge again in a month or two when I see you again at the next party and feel the rush of pleasure I get from knowing a hug with you is imminent

[submitted 11/12/03]