Today was dream-like, and I just can't feel my life anymore. I wish you were here to take me outside of myself. The company of strangers is still good for me, but I feel my heart is shrinking from lack of love.

I might have lost you again, but I feel I must always lose you. That is how I know you're real, that you can be lost and found, lost and found again.

Today I rode the subway to the end of the line and back again. I felt machine-like and that is soothing. but at the same time I think part of me is dying.

I always feel there's something more to say. I wish I could find the words to say it.

[submitted 03/13/03]