To be quite honest, I am not sure why I am sending you this email. It's actually kind of funny, I feel so comfortable around you, but I feel more uneasy talking about my feelings around you. Maybe it's a defense mechanism or maybe it's just the lack of experience being in a relationship. Either way, the uneasiness has to fade so that I can tell you a few things that have been bothering me.

I'm sure that you probably think I am acting very immature like a giddy school boy, and that's okay. To be honest, that's kind of how I feel when I am around you. You have managed to touch the innermost parts of me, parts that no one has touched in a very long time. You have opened my life and views in so many ways that I cannot even begin to explain. I love being around you and to have you as a part of my life. Yet, at the same time, it's not what I want.

I want you in my life, but not in the present state any longer. I have deep feelings for you, and to be quite honest, it scares the hell out of me. Ironically, it also makes me at ease with myself. But I just can't do this anymore. I know what I want and that entails an actual exclusive relationship with you, going forward and putting our pasts behind us. Maybe that is asking too much or sounds ridiculous to you, but I love being with you and would really like to know your honest views on what is going on and what you want to happen.

I already know that I care for you deeply and like to think that you care for me, but to be honest, I’m not really sure how you feel. I get mixed emotions from you. On one hand you seem to be okay with everything, but on the other, you seem to resent it when I say that I care for you and that I am here for you.

I don't know really what you want to happen or what you are feeling and to be honest, I guess that's really what I need to know. Either way, I'm hoping to hear from you regarding this because a lot of things are depending on your answer, your honest answer, so don't worry about hurting me, I can handle it.

[submitted 10/03/03]