I AM NOT GOOD COMPANY TODAY


dear friend,

i am crying now. sitting at work and crying, knowing that big brother may be watching my every move on this borrowed computer, where i spend most of my days. thinking mostly of him, lately.

he cancelled lunch today. moved it to monday, rather. which is good, because i am not good company today, and which is bad because how can i live without his laugh for an entire weekend? that laugh that rearranges his features into a bizarre mask. that cigarrety laugh that is almost inevitably followed by a cough. emphysema never sounded so sexy.

yes, he smokes, imagine that. and i tolerate it, now really imagine that. he eats live cows. he's capitalism incarnate. so different from me. yet deep down we connected like i never did with another human being.

his marriage. what a shame. to know that my special person has lain in bed with another for six years. (more tears.) to know that she may have his child. thunder claps in my heart at the thought. the horrible, inevitable thought.

i wish i could taste his lips just once more.

me




the love letter collection