(Please read this and tell me how you feel about all this, I love you)

Hey baby,

How are you. I hope you are feeling all right. Please do me a favor and read this letter and think about what it says please. I'm feeling okay I guess it just seems very lonely without you. Gosh I'm talking like we have broken up or something. I hope we haven't.

I understand what you are going through and how you feel about going to college and starting a new life- as you say- and I agree with you.

Let's face it, reality. I'm sure you'll be pretty happy there and I just wish you the best of luck. The reason I don't want to break up with you is that I really love you and it is just impossible for me to see you everyday and know that you are not my girlfriend and not hug you or kiss you. Actually it is impossible for me to break up with you in the first place.

I'm really sorry for whatever I've done and acted the way I have. _____ told me what you told him. I already told you that what I said was a joke. Okay I admit that sometimes I was jealous and am really sorry if I gave you a wrong impression.

Hey there is something that I haven't told you because of all this argument. I really missed you while you were gone. I swear to god I did. I just couldn't even wait till you came back. I slept all the time so the time would pass faster and it did and you came back with these horrible things that you told me. Okay they are true.

But I don't know it just isn't the thing that should happen to us. I really thought that we would be together the first time that we got together. And after couple of days that we talked. I really liked you. Remember the first time I told you that I loved you. I actually had loved you before that too. I just didn't want to say it and make you feel the wrong way against me. We got along pretty well don't you think so.

Maybe I'm not a real cool and good-looking guy that you would want to be with for the rest of your life but I'm glad that we went out. I just hope that we still are going out cause I love you.

Remember that song that we heard, that said something like I want you back for good by Take This and said that it would never be suitable for us well it is now, please don't do this to me.

I look like I'm begging to you right know. But it is all up to you, if you don't want to you don't have to and also I won't do anything stupid like kill myself or something if you broke up with me although you are worth dying for. You know what I wouldn't give right now just to have you in my arms right now. I'd do anything just to be able to see that you love me. If you do please tell me that you do.

I haven't written to you in such a long time I kind of miss it. You never wrote me a letter. well couple of times and thank you very much for writing to me. I hope that you still will write to me when you are in college. You might think that this letter is getting a bit boring, all it says basically is that I love you and you don't want to hear that, I think that you do but just don't want to because you think that it'll make things more complicated. well, it probably will but you can't change the truth and reality.

You said that I should think about all this and I did. I haven't done anything since I got home but thought about you. And I decided to write you a letter. I might be the last one that I'll write to you, (not counting the ones that I'll write to you in college of course) but I hope it is not. Anyway I think I know what the best thing is although it is all up to you at the end. Can't we just put all this behind us and still be lovers until you leave and still be while in college. And then you can write to me and say how you feel about it. I promise that I'll understand and respect your decisions. this is the only thing I could come with as a solution. I don't know what you have in mind.

But know one thing I never wanted to break up with you and I don't want you to break up with me now just remember what you said to me and what is written on my cast. I'm sure that I always will. You are the first girl that I really loved so much that I think dying is worth for. I'm just sorry that you don't feel the same way I do.

If you want to break up with me I still want to be your friend and I will always love you. And anytime you need anything you can just call me. You know my phone number you might want to write it down in case you forget or something. (This includes help with econ if you need to study really no goofing around like we used to.)

Besides being upset about loosing you (which is very deep) I'm really shocked that this is just happening in one day. Everything was fine before you left and now for some reason you don't want to go out with me anymore. I just think that this shouldn't be happening to us, no fights no nothing and we are no longer together. I think that's sad cause I really love you and I know that you love me too and doing this because of college and everything. I know that you still like me and love me and don't want to really break up with me but just have to.

I gave up everything for you. I took the chance of fucking up my friendship with M, W, etc. I quit smoking dope, which I like to thank you for helping me. I really appreciate it. Plus you helped me think about life and school and grades more I'm really glad of course without you I think I would have been a really screwed up guy. And I don't regret any of this. Yeah maybe the dope life and being an asshole to teachers was cool but now I know it's not really and I'm willing to change anything else that you want me to do for you. I'm serious.

Well I don't really have much more to say, except that I've always dreamt of going on a long vacation with you and I hope it will be possible one day.

I'm really sorry but I kind of wanted to write this letter to make things easier for you and show you how I feel. It probably will make things more complicated but in the worst case (which I pray every minute not to happen) I'll be your friend and you can count on me. I guess I'll talk to you later. Write back if you can. I love you and I always will love you.

[submitted 04/16/02]