CHEMICAL CHANGE

Dearest _____ ,

I don't have enough words paper to convey the love that I feel for you. I know that I keep pushing you to be more affectionate, and that you say that I am too affectionate, but you just don't understand how the emotions well up inside of me and I feel like I am going to burst. I truly cannot explain it. I look at you and it's like I'm 5 years old again and under water…everything is distorted and funny…and I start to get dizzy because my breath caught just a little too long. You bring a radiance and vitality to my life.

You asked me yesterday if I ever regret meeting you. Honestly, the answer is no, I don't. Meeting you, being with you and loving you have changed me. I think that is what love does to you. It changes you and makes you more than you could ever dream of being. In Chemistry I learned that there are two types of changes that compounds can undergo, physical and chemical. A physical change is one that changes the form but not the make-up of the compound…like water to ice…ice is still water when melted. But after a chemical change, the compound will never again be the same…like a piece of wood on fire…after it burns, you can't make it back into wood…no matter what you do. That's what you are…you are a chemical change. You are fire, I am no longer the same and I never can be.

I am so sorry for all of my faults. I am sorry for any hurt I have caused you. Being with you makes me want to try harder. Being with you makes me want to fix everything so that I can be perfect for you, and be just what you want. You give me hope and reinforce that life is good and has a purpose.

I don't know how this will end. Sometimes I think that I cannot spend the rest of my life with you. I ask myself how will I feel three years from now? Can I live with a man who cannot express his feelings? Am I strong enough to do this? Other times I look at you and see the babies that we will have one day. I see you holding their little hands in your big ones, and I know what a good father you will be. I see us growing old and gray and taking care of each other.

I know that I do not ever want to look back with regret. I know that God has a plan for us, and he will make it come to pass. I will continue to do my best to make both of us happy and try to learn from our mistakes. Maybe we will make it…maybe we won't, but I want you to always remember that I will never regret one moment of our time together.

All my love,
_____
*bisou*