CATCH ME BABY


When you are in my arms, I know a magic that stars and sands and smiles and secrets whisper. I know a moment that rains and dawns and moons and loves devour. I know a calm, a chaos, a close, a capture that my heart dies for, hungers for. There, then, in my arms. I would keep you if I could, in my arms forever. Know that I long for your true Love and trust. I hunger for a delicious glimpse of the man in the photograph. Where is the man who once looked at me with all the Love in his heart shining in his eyes? I wait, like a snowflake balanced on an eyelash, for you to come back to me.

I am sad. If only you were able to move, to go, to fall Ð in Love with me again?

I know how deep your smile. How hard your Love, how far your longing how wild your pleasure. To see you fall would tickle me crazy Ð because I already know what it looks like, that view. That smile. That burn in your eyes. That joy. That fall. To remember makes me smile, hum, giggle, sigh. Having had the very desire IÕve desired for you to have. Will you fall for me again, perhaps?

I wanted to ask it when moonlight shined on you as you slept in our bed after the last time we made sweet soft love. When I felt your heart beating against my chest. The words graced my lips like an imposter, only to fall away like some great lizard that was taken out to sea to rain its fury on the dark ocean alone, unbeknownst to any hearing. I pray you can hear my words for what they are. Feel them for what they are. And not mar them with the knowledge that they stand apart from your ability to reciprocate them. Please take my words into your heart and feel them with your eyes closed and your soul open. Hear my voice speaking them softly in your ear with a kiss. Smile, and think of me.

What I am sad about is selfish. IÕm sad about GodÕs timing, and I miss you. I miss you terribly. I miss your kiss. I miss your smile, oh, how I miss your smile. But most of all, I miss the moment that hasnÕt happened yet. The moment when you again let yourself fall. What makes it hard for me is knowing how much you care for me. How much in your way you do Love me. How much you would enjoy laughing with your heart wide open as you hurled yourself backwards off the cliff and said, ÒCatch me Baby.Ó

If I didnÕt know that, I could make you a villain and me a victim and soothe myself. But I canÕt do that because it isnÕt the truth. The truth, we both know, the truth is Ð not today. I know you wonÕt throw yourself off that cliff today, and I wouldnÕt want you to. I donÕt want you to do it for me. I want you to do it for you. I also know that you would never drive all night again for a million miles just to see me smile. Someday, maybe. But not today.

Who knows, maybe someday weÕll find ourselves accidentally strolling along hand-in-hand. And from the heights in the stars, in a moment neither of us was told about but knew like our oldest happiness, and know it is today. And rather that day is tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or next lifetime Ð you will finally hear me tell you that I Love YouÉ And youÕll smile with your heart wide open and fall, and say, ÒCatch me Baby.Ó

[submitted 02/11/04]
the love letter collection