Dear _______,

Well, here I sit at 1:30 in the morning, listening to the rain, and wondering if you're sleeping, or on fireguard, or lying in bed- just thinking. I wonder if you're dreaming of me, or thinking of me. I wonder if you're cold and need an extra blanket or if you'd like to throw the one you have on the floor. I'm wondering what time you'll get up tomorrow and what you'll be doing. I wonder what you eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I wonder if you're sad sometimes, or if you're glad you're there and enjoying yourself. I wonder if sometimes you write to me and tell me that you're doing well, when really you're hurting inside like I so often must do. I think about all the memories we have so far, and all the memories we have yet to make together. And I pray that God grants me my wish to spend the rest of my life with you - to my very last day on this earth. I think about what I'd do if you left before me. Or if you were sent off to war.

I wonder if you worry about me, or just block me out and try not to think about it. I wonder if you long so deeply for my touch as I for yours. I think about your amazing smile that could, alone, cure someone of the very deepest ailment. I remember dancing in my basement, and playing darts. Watching movies, sitting in the middle of the road, playing volleyball, and climbing the hill at Hemlock. And falling asleep in your arms.

Some days, I just want to take the keys, get in the car, and drive to Missouri to see you. And maybe to take you away. And when I realize, that that's not possible, sometimes I cry. I cry at night when I'm lying in bed, and when I'm sitting on the deck at night - looking at the stars the way we did. I cry when I'm driving in the car - in the middle of the day - and I look over and see the empty seat where you once sat. I cry when another day goes by that I don’t see you or hear your voice. I cry when I hear a song that reminds me of you. And I cry when I write you letters.

I wish you hadn't ever signed up for this. I wish I could take you to Antarctica or India or Greenland - and away from Basic Combat Training. I wish I could marry you right this VERY moment and live in some secluded cabin - in the beautiful wilderness - away from everyone else. I wish - if there were one wish I could have RIGHT NOW - to hold you again. I wish I had never let you go.

I want to dance with you in the rain. I want to swim in the ocean with you. I want to have food fights in the kitchen and do puzzles on a Sunday. I want to go to bed knowing that you’re right there beside me and wake up in your embrace. I want to go for walks in the park, bike rides in the country, and picnics in our living room. I want to love each other forever. I want, you to be here, with me.

I love you.

________

[submitted 06/10/03]