ALL MY FIVE SENSES

How did i get here? How does someone fall so hard for someone who does not, cannot, or will not, return their feelings? Could I really have made it all up? Friends from the very first moment we met.

I guess I just tricked myself into believing that deep down you felt the same way, even though you had a girlfriend. And feel I did. I longed to go to work each day to see your face, to have you steal glances at me across our cubilcle, to make oatmeal and coffee together. Sometimes when I got into the elevator I could smell that you had been there before me and my heart would race with the anticipation of seeing you.

And when I moved, I thought that it would end. Yet, to my surprise the physical distance only made us closer. And during one druken phone call I told you that I loved you and you said it back as a matter of fact. That one moment kept my love for you alive for years. I tried to get over you while holding onto one of the best friendships I have ever had, but the challenge proved to great for me.

So now it is over and I have no where left to turn. During our last goodbye you told me that you learned more from our relationship than all of the other relationships you had ever had. How I longed to tell you that I, too, had learned a great lesson but my pride would not let me. I learned what it is like to truly love someone. I will never wonder again if what I'm feeling for someone is love because I have had it, if only for a minute.

All of my five senses (and maybe even my sixth) miss you and it hurts more than you will ever know. I have no way to express it to you and that makes the pain even greater.

And I will never be able to eat oatmeal again without thinking of you.