I came to a realization toady, one that is hard to accept.

As much as I love you, I realized that I love myself more. What we have is not a relationship, but rather a convenience. I realized today that you are not ready for a relationship. You have so much to learn about love and what the word equitable means. I would have loved to be your teacher, but instead love being alone even more. As strange as it may sound, the fact remains: Being alone may not bring happiness, but it will not bring the heartache you have inflicted upon me.

You tell me that you care for me and that you don’t care about my past. Yet instead of leaving the past behind, you shove my mistakes in my face and call me a whore. Ironically, you call me a whore without even knowing who I am. You tell me that you are happy being with me and only want to be with me. Yet you abuse my very presence and treat me as if I were the plague rather than human.

So if you are looking for a way out, here is my gift to you, the only gift I have left to give, goodbye.

You may leave now for I have given all that there is to give, I have nothing else for you take. And yet, I have nothing of yours. You have taken my heart, my feelings, and even my soul and instead of cherishing them you destroyed the very being that is me.

I gave you my heart and you broke it. I opened myself to you and you turned away. I gave you my soul and you ripped it to shreds.

Rather than being the gift from God that I thought you were, that I prayed for; you have become the spawn of Satan. My words seem harsh, but are nothing in comparison to the way you have treated me. Instead of bringing me happiness, you brought tears to my eyes, pain to my heart, death to my soul, and feelings of worthlessness to my life. Yet, instead of relishing on the fact, it remains much easier to say that the end has come.

I wish you love and happiness in your life and you will always hold a place in my heart, but I must stay true to myself and rest knowing that I deserve better than what you are able to give me.

I came to a realization today, I deserve the stars and the moon and you can't provide anything but pain and heartbreak. So in the end there is nothing left to say other than goodbye.

[submitted 11/04/03]