Valentine's Project, 2001
form letters, cards and envelopes

For the Valentine's Project, I sent out one of two versions of signed love form letters to a select group of thirty people. One version is "love-hope," and the second version is "love-despair."

You might think that Valentine's Day is just a "Hallmark Holiday:" a meaningless convention of consumer culture. But I hope there's still a part of you that hopes that it holds some meaning. Because this Valentine's Day, I've decided to finally tell you how I feel.

I probably should have written this letter a long time ago. I've denied my feelings for so long, that they've become exaggerated and absurd; and I'm sure in their present state, you'll reject them. All I'm asking is that you give me this one chance to convince you of my love.

When we first met, I was overwhelmed by a whirlpool of emotions: compassion, desire, fear...and an almost supernatural understanding of who you are. I know this seems irrational: even I doubted my feelings at first. But the more time I spend thinking about you, the more I believe that we were meant for each other.

Even though our relationship has been mostly a casual one, you'd be surprised at how well I know you. Most people see you as independent and ambitious, but I sense a vulnerability in you that needs to be protected and healed. It may seem perverse, but this hidden sadness really endears you to me. You see, I share some of the same anxieties you face in your day to day life. But I think that if we came together, we could help each other.

I'm not naive: I realize this letter is a long shot. Even if you did love me, you'd have to give up a lot to fulfill that love. You've already constructed a life for yourself that's almost too comfortable to leave. All I can ask is that you trust and believe in me. If someday you discover that your life is lacking, maybe then you'll realize that my love is worth the risk. Whenever and if ever that happens, please know that I'll be waiting for you to arrive.

Love,
Cindy

version #2:love despair

Dear _____ ,

Valentine's day is coming up, and, ironically (or maybe appropriately), I've decided to stop loving you. I'm sure this makes no sense to you, since I've never spoken of my feelings for you before. Well, the truth is, I've spent all winter obsessing about you. But I'm putting an end to that right now by writing you this letter.

When we first met, I sensed something about you that I thought would turn you towards me. This might sound cliche, but I really thought we were soulmates. Whenever I heard you talk, it was as if I was hearing my truer self speak. You saw the world through my eyes, and understood it through my mind; but perceived it more clearly, and accepted it more perfectly.

Well, you really had me fooled. I can't believe all the time I've wasted thinking about you. I've spent hours translating our mundane conversations into meaningful ones, and turning your casual glances into searching looks. My art, my mental health, and my friendships all have suffered. And for what? For nothing. It's obvious that you will never care about me the way I care about you.

You probably think I'm crazy- it's easy for you to feel above all this. It makes me angry to think that you have such presence and weight in my life when I mean nothing in yours. If you'd take your blinders off for a minute, you'd be amazed at how much we have in common. We're both independent and ambitious, but we both have sensitive sides that we hide from the world. If we could let these sides find and speak to each other, I think we could make something real.

As much as you might try to ignore it, it's obvious to me that your life is lacking. My love could have filled that void, but now it's too late to think about what might have been. Now that I've written this letter, I'm even more convinced that we're truly finished. The sad thing is, we never really began.

Happy Valentine's Day,
Cindy